From the "where did *that* come from?" department...

Jan. 30th, 2010 10:31 pm
bigmacbear: Me in a leather jacket and Hockey Night in Canada ball cap, on a ferry with Puget Sound in background (Default)
I was talking with [livejournal.com profile] gmjambear last night and mentioned that as a teenager my brother had portrayed a walking loaf of Wonder Bread in several local supermarkets.

His immediate response: "Don't toast me, bro!" ;-)
  • Current Mood: amused
  • Current Location: 98203
  • Current Music: Theme music, CBC News' "The National"
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One of Dad's jokes came up the other day.

Nov. 29th, 2009 11:05 pm
bigmacbear: Me in a leather jacket and Hockey Night in Canada ball cap, on a ferry with Puget Sound in background (Default)
[livejournal.com profile] gmjambear and I were watching Jeopardy! the other day and one of the clues involved this poem by Whittier. It reminded me of a story my Dad used to tell me.

A long time ago, there was a shop that specialized in exotic woods, run by a Chinese fellow named Chan. One day, Mr. Chan noticed a curious figure entering his shop: a small boy in a bear suit, but without the feet on it so he had ordinary sneakers on instead. He found a piece of expensive teakwood on display, and without a word, snatched it up and ran off with it.

Mr. Chan, of course, called the police to report the theft. When asked to describe the suspect, he simply said,

( Click for the punchline... ) ;-)
  • Current Mood: amused
  • Current Location: 98203
  • Current Music: Think Music
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Another Emily Litella moment, courtesy of the Evergreen State Fair

Aug. 30th, 2009 09:38 am
bigmacbear: Me in a leather jacket and Hockey Night in Canada ball cap, on a ferry with Puget Sound in background (Default)
E: What's this I hear about Grange music? People running around in flannel shirts and what not...

A: That's grunge music, not Grange.

E: Oh. That's different. Never mind.
  • Current Mood: amused
  • Current Location: 98203
  • Current Music: Smells Like Teen Spirit, Nirvana
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Before and After

Jun. 27th, 2009 12:37 pm
bigmacbear: Me in a leather jacket and Hockey Night in Canada ball cap, on a ferry with Puget Sound in background (Default)
A: Film and/or song about the Prime Minister of Canada and a bunch of small-town parents scandalized by the presence of a single mother in their midst.

( Q: ... )
  • Current Mood: amused
  • Current Location: 98203
  • Current Music: see text
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Before and After

May. 13th, 2009 05:56 pm
bigmacbear: Me in a leather jacket and Hockey Night in Canada ball cap, on a ferry with Puget Sound in background (Default)
Answer: The ability to make desirable discoveries by accident, such as a 1960's brand of hair gel.

( Question: )
  • Current Mood: amused
  • Current Location: 98203
  • Current Music: "Think Music" from Jeopardy!
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Stop me if you've heard this one...

Dec. 27th, 2008 10:00 am
bigmacbear: Me in a leather jacket and Hockey Night in Canada ball cap, on a ferry with Puget Sound in background (Santa)
Back in the days of Soviet Russia, a loyal Communist with the unlikely name of Rudolph had retired to a fine dacha in the mountains with his stout Russian wife of many years.

One winter morning (being a loyal Communist he'd long since stopped calling it Christmas) he got up and looked out the bedroom window at the scenery, and called to his wife, "Ah, look at the rain coming down!"

His wife struggled to her feet and put on a robe, took one look and harrumphed, "Is snow."

He responded, "Nyet, is rain."

She came back, even louder, "Nyet, is snow!"

Exasperated, he spun his wife around by the shoulders ( and said ... )

;-)
  • Current Mood: devious
  • Current Location: 98203
  • Current Music: the obvious tune, behind the cut
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Another Emily Litella moment

Oct. 3rd, 2008 07:26 am
bigmacbear: Me in a leather jacket and Hockey Night in Canada ball cap, on a ferry with Puget Sound in background (Default)
EMILY: What's this I hear out of Warshington about the Unitarian Executive? I mean, who cares what religion the President is as long as he doesn't go around trying to convert people. And didn't they say he was a Methodist? I think...

ANNOUNCER (offstage): It's the Unitary Executive, not Unitarian.

EMILY: Oh. That's different. Never mind.
  • Current Mood: amused
  • Current Location: 98056
  • Current Music: Theme from "George of the Jungle"
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For our Canajun friends...

Jun. 13th, 2008 11:21 pm
bigmacbear: Me in a leather jacket and Hockey Night in Canada ball cap, on a ferry with Puget Sound in background (Default)
Out of curiosity, [livejournal.com profile] gmjambear and I were checking out train schedules on Vancouver Island, and noted that the one daily train leaves Victoria at 8 AM, arrives in Courtenay around 1 PM and returns to Victoria at 6 PM. On the way, one can get off the train in Nanaimo northbound and catch the southbound train about five hours later. Gary asked me, "So what will we do in Nanaimo while we're there?"

I replied, "We could always hang out in a Nanaimo bar."
  • Current Mood: amused
  • Current Location: 98056
  • Current Music: Love Train, The Ojays
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Stop me if you've heard this one...

May. 24th, 2008 10:54 am
bigmacbear: Me in a leather jacket and Hockey Night in Canada ball cap, on a ferry with Puget Sound in background (Default)
A long time ago, in a kingdom far, far away, a king was making a journey to a neighboring kingdom to convey a message of great importance to both realms.

But between the two kingdoms there was fixed a great wall, with a gate guarded by two massive, yellow pincers. These automatic fingers would open and close, seemingly at random, and yet whoever tried to pass between them was invariably crushed, no matter how brave the knight or how fast his steed.

Suddenly a page-boy got the bright idea of traversing the gate on foot. He managed to convince the king to give him the message and try it. And lo and behold, the fingers stayed open and the page walked right on through. Some time later he returned with an answer from the neighboring king. And peace was preserved, and all lived happily ever after.

( And the moral of the story is... )
  • Current Mood: amused
  • Current Location: 98056
  • Current Music: An appropriate commercial jingle
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Beware the PICL Daemon!

May. 20th, 2008 07:37 pm
bigmacbear: Me in a leather jacket and Hockey Night in Canada ball cap, on a ferry with Puget Sound in background (Default)
As it happens, Solaris (Sun's version of Unix) provides something called the Platform Independent Control Library (or PICL for short), which has a component that runs as a system service (or daemon in Unix terminology). I kept getting dinged at work because when many of the systems I work on were built, PICL was not installed because at the time it only supported the newer systems from Sun. So after asking what this PICL daemon was, I thought I'd draw a cartoon of it. Behold:

( A Cartoon )

By the way, the other text at the top refers to another Solaris feature, Flash Archives (or flar's for short). It asks simply, "Where have all the flar's gone?"

OK, I'll stop.
  • Current Mood: amused
  • Current Location: 98056
  • Current Music: Where Have All The Flowers Gone?
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Today's Bitchuary

Jan. 17th, 2008 08:08 am
bigmacbear: Me in a leather jacket and Hockey Night in Canada ball cap, on a ferry with Puget Sound in background (Default)
Wham-O Toymaker Richard Knerr Dies at 82

Of course, one of Wham-O's best-known products is the Frisbee™. Do you suppose Mr. Knerr's soul went up on the roof and got stuck there?
  • Current Mood: awake
  • Current Location: 98056
  • Current Music: none
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And you heard it here first...

Oct. 23rd, 2007 08:03 pm
bigmacbear: Me in a leather jacket and Hockey Night in Canada ball cap, on a ferry with Puget Sound in background (Default)
"You are so bad at science you can't tell Uranus from a hole in the ground."
  • Current Mood: amused
  • Current Location: 98056
  • Current Music: Think Music from Jeopardy
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Being a bad, nasty, naughty boy.

Sep. 23rd, 2007 06:41 pm
bigmacbear: Me in a leather jacket and Hockey Night in Canada ball cap, on a ferry with Puget Sound in background (Default)
Marcel Marceau dies at 84

I heard that someone tried to hire a hit man to take out Marcel Marceau a while back, but no one would take the job. And why not?

( Because... )
  • Current Mood: naughty
  • Current Location: 98056
  • Current Music: silence
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Packaging humor

Sep. 6th, 2007 08:53 am
bigmacbear: Me in a leather jacket and Hockey Night in Canada ball cap, on a ferry with Puget Sound in background (Default)
Every so often we'll have something on the shelf that was clearly packaged for the Canadian market, either purchased there or back home in the States (often the big-lot stores such as Costco will carry such products, with bilingual labels in English and French).

One example is a bottle of Vaseline Intensive Care lotion sitting on the bathroom counter. It reads "Extra Strength Lotion" in English and "Lotion Formule ultra" in French.

I told [livejournal.com profile] gmjambear it was "Strong enough for a mule, but made for a human." ;-)
  • Current Mood: amused
  • Current Location: 98056
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Inspired by a friend's journal entry...

Jul. 13th, 2007 07:35 pm
bigmacbear: Me in a leather jacket and Hockey Night in Canada ball cap, on a ferry with Puget Sound in background (Default)
iPho: (n.) Vietnamese noodle soup ordered over the Internet.
  • Current Mood: amused
  • Current Location: 98056
  • Current Music: Bananaphone, Raffi
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Before and After

Jun. 4th, 2007 08:59 am
bigmacbear: Me in a leather jacket and Hockey Night in Canada ball cap, on a ferry with Puget Sound in background (Default)
Pirate's Booty Call
  • Current Mood: amused
  • Current Location: 98056
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Daffynitions

Jun. 1st, 2007 08:46 am
bigmacbear: Me in a leather jacket and Hockey Night in Canada ball cap, on a ferry with Puget Sound in background (Default)
ixnaybors (IKS-nay-b3rs) n. pl.: those people who used to live next to you that you're not supposed to talk about. "My ixnaybors got put in the Witness Protection Program."

(British/Canadian spelling: ixnaybours.)
  • Current Mood: amused
  • Current Location: 98056
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Bubba's High-Tech Dictionary

Feb. 28th, 2007 09:27 am
bigmacbear: Me in a leather jacket and Hockey Night in Canada ball cap, on a ferry with Puget Sound in background (Default)
[All entries guaranteed original.]

TiVO: That annoying band that wore flowerpots on their heads.
Plasma: What Cousin Clem sells at the blood bank to pay for school.
PC: Politically Correct, fancy way of saying stuff that used to be simple.
Server: PC word for a waiter or waitress.
Paradigm Shift: Pushing 20 cents across the counter (to tip your server).
Rear Projection: PC word for a big butt.
24x7: Dimensions of my trailer.
Blackberry: What Aunt Sally picks in the bushes out behind the barn.
ICBM: What you leave in the outhouse on a winter morning.
Laptop: Where my dog likes to sleep, even if he is a Labrador.
  • Current Mood: silly
  • Current Location: 98056
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Stop me if you've heard this one...

Feb. 16th, 2007 11:40 pm
bigmacbear: Me in a leather jacket and Hockey Night in Canada ball cap, on a ferry with Puget Sound in background (Default)
What's the difference between Beer Nuts and deer nuts?

( Clicky... )

;-)
  • Current Mood: silly
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Misinterpreted film titles

Dec. 23rd, 2006 11:05 pm
bigmacbear: Me in a leather jacket and Hockey Night in Canada ball cap, on a ferry with Puget Sound in background (Default)
Half-Cocked is not a documentary about John Bobbitt. And House of Wax is not a cynical look inside the record industry.
  • Current Mood: silly
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